(no subject)

[nola_northstar]

Private
I knew I didn't want a normal life, but that doesn't mean I wanted all of this. Jean-Paul, Northstar. My "secret identity." How do I handle having two lives in my head?

... and how have I survived without my twin sister? She was my other life. Is she safe?
... and I am so in love with my husband, Jean-Paul's husband, but Seth is falling for another guy entirely.
... who is someone Jean-Paul knows better than I do.
... and is Kyle safe, and loved? I miss him. I don't know him, Seth has never met him. But god, I miss him.
... and this feels like being brainwashed, and dying, and searching for my sister, and watching people die.
... and this feels like acting.
... and this feels like loss.
... and this feels impossible.



Caleb
I'm sorry about what happened. I didn't want you to leave, but I was completely overwhelmed. And grieving, I think.


Well, life is a pit of hellfire.

Comments

Seth

[nola_havok]

It's not your fault. If I were you, I probably would have punched me. Several times over.

I knew better than to get involved with you when you didn't remember, and when you have a husband. Not that I intended to get involved at all, but... Anyway, I knew better, but I let myself get convinced that it was okay because...because I wanted it, or because it was better than getting all caught up in before, or whatever. And I shouldn't have. So it's on me, and I'm sorry.

Remember when I talked about feeling like you only just have things under control and you're barely holding on and if you add one more thing it's all going to come crashing down on you and obliterate everything? I hate being right.

[nola_kon_el]

Now you're sounding like my age.