(no subject)

[nola_northstar]

Private
I knew I didn't want a normal life, but that doesn't mean I wanted all of this. Jean-Paul, Northstar. My "secret identity." How do I handle having two lives in my head?

... and how have I survived without my twin sister? She was my other life. Is she safe?
... and I am so in love with my husband, Jean-Paul's husband, but Seth is falling for another guy entirely.
... who is someone Jean-Paul knows better than I do.
... and is Kyle safe, and loved? I miss him. I don't know him, Seth has never met him. But god, I miss him.
... and this feels like being brainwashed, and dying, and searching for my sister, and watching people die.
... and this feels like acting.
... and this feels like loss.
... and this feels impossible.



Caleb
I'm sorry about what happened. I didn't want you to leave, but I was completely overwhelmed. And grieving, I think.


Well, life is a pit of hellfire.

Comments

[nola_northstar]

Well, you’re good company. How’s your hellfire of a life?

[nola_kon_el]

Mostly normal, though the portrait in the attic that ages instead of me has seen better days. What about you?

[nola_northstar]

I never want to see that portrait. I’m exhausted.

[nola_kon_el]

From what? Work?

[nola_northstar]

Mostly. I need massages and mud baths.

[nola_kon_el]

I might know of a place...

[nola_northstar]

My hero. Pamper me.

[nola_kon_el]

Are you free tomorrow afternoon? There's an opening. (Don't say it.)

[nola_northstar]

I won't say it because you're being a gentleman, but you know I'm thinking it. Early or late afternoon?

[nola_kon_el]

1-2ish. And I admire your restraint.

[nola_northstar]

I can do that. I'm also great at restraints.

[nola_kon_el]

Okay, I'm rescinding my invite.

[nola_northstar]

You are not, you're just mad you didn't think of this one in advance.

[nola_kon_el]

Reflexes slow as you age.

[nola_northstar]

You still have so much life left to live.

[nola_kon_el]

Not if I let the mud pull be under.

[nola_northstar]

No, the mud will revitalize you and get you off your perfect ass, right back into living life.

[nola_kon_el]

And make my ass even more perfect. Okay, I can embrace this.

[nola_northstar]

Yes, you can. I reject your celibacy and stasis. We're making the most of our lives, my friend.

[nola_kon_el]

Speaking of celibacy, I should probably mention I've hooked up with the owner of this spa and his husband, in case it comes up in conversation.

[nola_northstar]

I'm so proud of you! Together or separate? Will you do it again?

[nola_kon_el]

Separate. We all realized it at the wedding, which was a conversation! And I think this free spa day is probably contingent on me not doing it again.

[nola_northstar]

This is a great story. Are they hot?

[nola_kon_el]

One of them is! The other has a great personality.

[nola_northstar]

HAhahahahahahahahahaha